Party at my expense
THE DREAM Dealing with denial is hard. This dream shows me I have failed to take action when I have been abused by other people in my life. It is telling me a truth I find very hard to face. My self abuse is my failure to take notice and take action at the appropriate time. In this dream I was back in my old work place. I was feeling really overwhelmed and frozen from taking action. My dream self was dithering and unable to get her thoughts together and so unable to take action or even talk coherently about what was on her mind when she was asked. My dream self to be candid looked like an idiot and I felt for her but was powerless as a dream observer to help her.
I as my dream self was listening to a man I was in partnership with. We were working together to run a newspaper. As the dream evolved it was clear to me this man had his own agenda and was using me to his own ends. This was confirmed when my now deceased father turned up and asked me what he was doing here.
In the dream I was ashamed the newspaper man was there. It was dad's tone of voice and expression that told me this newspaper man was no good. It wasn't long in the dream before the newspaper man made an exit and his manner showed contempt for my weakness as he left. I knew he would ring later with a good excuse to say he had moved on.
In this dream there were many of my former enemies. People who did what they wanted with my resources at my expense. One woman was very accusing as if to say I was wrong in the use of my resources and in life and in the dream I opposed her but she had a lot of secret relationships with the people in my dream who were acting on her authority.
Once again I felt pathetic and easily fooled.
In the dream my dad was lying on the ground playing dead. I was stroking his neck to remove some skin defects when he grinned and came alive again. This was a really light hearted exchange full of warmth and love. Dad had his cheeky grin and asked for a meeting with me and my siblings. I knew dad was going to put his foot down and when he spoke his word would be law.
Me and my siblings met in a room but my youngest sister was outside the window and stopped the proceeding by yelling wait for me as she wanted to be in the room. I felt annoyed she just didn't lean in the open window but this was typical of how things happened in our family when I was a child. In the end I didn't get to hear what dad had to say and I feel sad about that. I know what he would have to say would make a lot of common sense and be very practical and I really feel I need his wisdom right now in my life.
BACKGROUND INFORMATION I am doing a 91 day self help program and the topic I am studying is denial and how it impacts me.
This dream is an incubated dream in that it is coming from the emotional topics I am exploring in my course just now. Some of the emotional ground I am covering is ground I have already covered so its a bit like a review.
I now have a support group and a mentor and had my first session with both on Tuesday this week. I am OK though - just being cautious.
My depression is now well managed and stable without medication so I am working on getting into the real world now and hoping to join the work force in the future. That door still seems shut for me for the foreseeable future and I am OK about that now. I am still feeling pretty useless though.
Posted at Dreamsymbolism.info May 9, 2012, 20:03 by iceberg rose (Viewed times)
Iceberg Rose (POSTED May 10, 2012, 17: 4: 41)
I had another dream last night that follows this and tells me a lot about myself and how I have moved on.
In the dream I was with a friend of mine I love dearly. In the awake world we recently had a deep conversation and I thought she would understand it but she didn't get what I was talking about and I was sad and somewhat shocked by this. In her life she has lived with a lot of abuse by people who should love her during her life.
In the dream I was enjoying her company when she lost her balance and fell into a mud pool where she disappeared from sight. Her husband jumped in after her and tried to rescue her but his efforts were adding to her desperate situation. In the end she was submerged so long she was dead and I knew there had to be an investigation in which I may be implicated even though it was accident.
Now awake I shared my dream with my husband. I have accepted my friendship with my fried is lost and that I have also significantly changed. I am no longer who I was - my old self has died and I am my new self. My friends death in the dream is representative of the death of my old self.
As my husband shared at breakfast this morning we are now old enough to see the world from a completely different point of view.
I am now well. I am recovered. This dream is telling me that and I am embracing that. I don't need anyone's approval to be well I am and that's all there is too it.
The affirmation I needed from my father described in the previous dream is not needed. I can give it to myself.
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